Why "I Can't Do This Alone" Is One of the Bravest Things You Can Say: Healing Trauma Through Embodied Connection
The Lie Trauma Tells Us: "You Have to Do This Alone"
Lean in. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Let yourself be held. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I know, I know. It is not always so easy to lean in. And often harder to let ourselves be held.
When past trauma has taught your nervous system that depending on others leads to pain, abandonment, or harm, hyper-independence isn't a character flaw. It's a survival strategy. And a deeply intelligent one, at that.
I know this, not just because I support women healing from trauma, but because I too learned to be hyper-independent in response to trauma and neglect. For so long (for too long) asking for help or receiving support from others was really hard. It felt too vulnerable, too unsafe. And it flew in the face of the identity I had built for myself as the "strong, independent woman." But survival strategies have a shelf life. And at some point, the very armor that keeps you safe begins to keep you stuck.
When "Strong and Independent" Is Actually a Trauma Response
For years, I wore my self-sufficiency like a badge of honor. Through years of chronic illness and debilitating injury I pushed through, pretending I could do it all on my own, not seeing that I was just getting sicker and sicker and that my injuries weren’t healing. It took sitting in a café one day with one of my closest friends, hysterically snot-crying my eyes out, with all the other café patrons staring at me, to finally see, I couldn't do it alone anymore. Even though it felt scary, exposing and so vulnerable, I had to admit…
I needed help.
I couldn't go on any longer pretending that my hyper-independence was anything but a trauma response. And that moment of breaking open became the first step toward healing.⠀⠀
What Is Hyper-Independence, and Why Does It Develop?
Hyper-independence is a trauma response commonly seen in people who have experienced neglect, emotional unavailability, abuse, or chronic unpredictability from caregivers or partners. When reaching out for help consistently led to disappointment or danger, the nervous system learned: no one is safe, ely only on yourself. ⠀⠀
Hyper-independence shows up as:
Difficulty asking for or accepting help
Feeling like a burden when you share your needs
Dismissing your own pain or needs as "not that bad"
Feeling unsafe in vulnerability or intimacy
Exhaustion from carrying everything alone
Sound familiar?
The body holds these patterns — it lives in the tension of your shoulders, the bracing of your jaw, the held breath, the chronic state of vigilance. That's why talk therapy alone often isn't enough. Healing hyper-independence requires working with the body, the nervous system, not just the mind.
Why Somatic Therapy Is So Effective for Trauma and Hyper-Independence
Somatic therapy works directly with the body's stored trauma — the physiological imprints that keep survival patterns running long after the original threat has passed. Rather than simply re-narrating what happened to you, somatic approaches help you complete the interrupted responses your nervous system never got to finish.
This is where deep, lasting healing happens.
Through somatic practices, you can:
Learn to recognize and regulate trauma responses in real time
Gradually rebuild a sense of safety in your own body
Practice receiving support without the alarm bells going off
Develop a new relationship with vulnerability — one grounded in choice, not fear
Reclaim your voice, your vitality, and your capacity for connection
The First Step Is the Hardest One- But the most important step you’ll ever take
Maybe you're reading this and something in you is saying: yes, this is me. Maybe another part of you is already looking for a reason why now isn't the right time, or why you probably don't need this, or why you'll be fine.
That's the trauma talking.
You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to say, even if just to yourself right now:
I need help. I can't do this alone anymore.
And when you're ready to say it to someone else — I'm here.
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Embodied: A Somatic Therapy Group for Women Healing from Trauma
This is exactly the work we do in Embodied — an ongoing somatic therapy group for women (she's and they's who have been conditioned female or are survivors of gender-based trauma) who are ready to stop white-knuckling it alone.
Embodied is a trauma-informed, body-centered space where we explore what it actually feels like to be in your body — not just surviving it.
What We Explore Together in Embodied
In Embodied, we work through themes that go right to the heart of trauma recovery:
Presence and body awareness — coming home to yourself
Self-love and healing shame — releasing the internalized verdict that you are too much, not enough, or fundamentally broken
Safety in community — learning to trust, in small, sustainable doses
Reclaiming your trauma narrative — you are more than what happened to you
Boundaries and empowered expression — finding your voice and learning to use it
Pleasure, desire, and vitality — because joy is part of healing, too
The Practices We Use
This isn't a traditional talk-based group. Embodied brings together:
Evidence-based somatic nervous system regulation practices
Trauma-informed movement and physical expression
Mindfulness and embodiment meditations
Voice and vocalization work
Journaling, writing, and creative expression
Education about the nervous system and how trauma lives in the body
Nature connection
Shared witnessing and community connection
The science is clear: trauma heals in relationship. Not in isolation. And healing your relationship with your own body is inextricably linked to healing your relationship with others.
Who Is Embodied For?
Embodied is for women healing from trauma of any kind, including:
Sexual trauma or assault
Childhood abuse, neglect, or adverse childhood experiences
Emotional, verbal, or physical abuse
Intergenerational or cultural trauma
Medical or surgical trauma
Grief and loss
Addiction or recovery
Chronic or terminal illness
Social and relational trauma
If you've been carrying your pain alone — if you've convinced yourself you're fine, you've got it handled, you don't need help or you’s rather just go it alone — this group is especially for you.
Frequently Asked Questions About Embodied Somatic Therapy Group
What is somatic therapy, and how is it different from regular therapy? Somatic therapy focuses on the body as the primary site of healing, rather than the mind alone. It uses body-based practices — movement, breath, sensation awareness, nervous system regulation — to address trauma that is stored physically, not just cognitively.
Do I need prior therapy experience to join Embodied? No. Embodied is designed to be accessible to women at various stages of their healing journey. What matters most is a willingness to show up and explore.
Is the group virtual or in person? Both options are available. Virtual sessions are held via Zoom; in-person sessions are held in Bellingham, WA. Sessions meet every other week (Monday or Thursday evenings, 6–8pm Pacific), for 10 sessions total.
How much does Embodied cost? In-person participation is $170/month; virtual is $140/month. A limited number of sliding-scale spots are available.
How many people are in the group? Embodied is intentionally small — open to 10 participants — to support depth, trust, and authentic connection.
When does the group start? The start date is TBD and will be confirmed once at least 6 participants have signed up. Contact Nichole to reserve your spot or learn more.
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Nichole Proffitt is a certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, mindfulness teacher (UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center), and somatic sexual trauma practitioner with 20+ years of experience. She teaches Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Mindful HEART at the UCSF Osher Center for Integrative Medicine.